Saturday, October 24, 2015

Strugging with the "not enoughs"

This week a teammate of mine and I were talking about how brutal the week, the month, the school year have been.  She said something to the tune of "You never look stressed, how do you do it?"  I didn't know how to respond.  In my head I played a movie reel of the thoughts of "not enough" I'm struggling with. 

I am not making enough milk for my four month old... My house is not clean enough...  My FitBit keeps telling me I don't have enough steps...  My PD session is not engaging enough...  I'm not prepared enough for my presentation...  I don't have enough finished at the end of the day.... I'm not getting enough sleep...  I didn't answer enough email.... I'm not kind enough...  I'm not patient enough.... I don't have enough time...  I'm  not enough.

These thoughts are killer!  They have made this week harder than it had to be. They have killed my inner cheerleader, and created a really grumpy mom, wife, and ITF.  The thing is, the thoughts are only thoughts, and are definitely not true!  Now that it is Saturday morning, and I've had a WONDERFUL 8 hours of sleep, a cup of coffee, and some time to reflect, I can look back on my week and say.

Griffin is a thriving happy baby, and our breastfeeding relationship is solid.  My house is cluttered, and that's just they way it's gonna be.  The FitBit... I'm working on it.  PD participants were engaged in our session, and the feedback was positive.  I've accomplished a lot this week in my schools; facilitated new projects with students, facilitated new projects with reluctant teachers, helped an administrator see the value of Twitter, resolved a MacBook repair free of charge! Eight hours of sleep last night thanks to my husband, who took care of Lucas, and a baby that slept through the night.  Down to twenty-six unread messages! I will be kinder, take deep breaths, and think happier thoughts. There will never be enough time, I understand.  I am enough.

I am posting this.  I feel better after getting it out.  I am sharing this so that others feeling the "not enoughs" can see that they are not alone, and realize that you are enough!

Also sharing pics of my babies... :)

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